Your Story

My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer. Psalm 45:1

I expose my inner most in my journals. I always have. From the time I learned to write complete sentences - words taking form on page after page became my voice - my heart cries to God.

Volumes of journals are filled with questions, pleas, joys, despairs, laments, petitions before the throne, wisdom from the truth of Scripture...it is God's story of my life.

I have learned that a lot of my questions will never be answered. I don't have to understand the why's to all the hurts and disappointments in life. Some prayers were answered, some were not. I've been given the beautiful gift of experiencing deep sorrows that offer a glimpse into a suffering that is holy and refining. I've experienced the elation of redemption, of new life. All of the "experiences," all the emotions...lead me back to one place - the deep well from which, my soul longs to drink from.

Through all the happenings that are telling in my journals, the bottom line (though I mostly wasn't aware of it) was that I was actually longing for another place - not simply a well to drink from but to be with the actual giver of Living Water. I've told my children that once I take my final breath, all those journals are theirs - they are free to browse through my years of wanderings. I will no longer need to run continually to the well. I will be dwelling, eternally, with the Giver of Life....my thirst will finally be quenched. I will be home.

Your story is not over. God is still working and doing more than you can ever know or see. Your story will be filled with pages that speak of your sorrow, pain, satisfaction, lonliness, anger, frustration, tears, and all those moments of joy....but they are mere pin dots on a vast page compared to all eternity.

I continue to journal, to blog, to write songs, to spill out my inner-most onto a blank page...perhaps someone else will be able to identify with the words that I give to the emotions they feel. Perhaps one will be encouraged when I am being vulnerable - hearing me say, I've been there too, I understand. All of my pouring out - since I was a little girl - have actually been my soul crying out - longing for that glorious place, the finish line of my race, my home.

Endurance

I remember that warm late-spring day just before my wedding all those years ago, sitting on the hill next to the clothes line with my mom. We sat next to the clothes basket that held the clean laundry she had just taken off the line. She was passing along wisdom regarding marriage and that there would be days in my married life when I just felt like up and running away. I thought she was crazy. I never saw her argue openly with my dad and I was shocked to hear that she must have thought that way at least once in her marriage. She said no matter how much you love 'em, there will be those days when it's just really hard. I heard her words and maybe I nodded out of respect, but I remember my mind was thinking, "No way, mom, that won't happen to me."

Duh.

Not only have there been days where I wanted to up and run away, there came a day when I actually did! Thankfully, after much repentance, redemption and reconciliation, I ran back down the aisle and recommitted my life to my husband.

Mom's been married to the same man for over sixty years. She's been the sole cook, laundress, house-keeper, shopper, toilet scrubber, dish washer, she starched her linens, taught five kids manners, always put her husband over her children and kept silent many times when I'm sure she wanted to lash out at her man. She sweat in the hot sun, tending to farm and garden chores next to her beloved, cried on his shoulder, kept constant vigilance by his side during heart surgeries and cancer treatments, believed in him and she's held on tightly to his hand all these years - even during those times when she must have felt like "up and running."

I don't know if dad ever knew that mom had "those days." I'm pretty certain he had his own but we never knew it.

Dad has worked harder than any human I've ever known. He's also loved and cared for his wife more tenderly than any man I've known. Medically speaking, dad shouldn't be alive, although his days are certainly numbered, his greatest fear is leaving "her" alone.

Through sixty years of doing life together - all the trials, tears, frustrations, babies, illnesses, teenagers, bills, the long hours during planting and harvest, the phone calls in the middle of the night, disappointments and the joys....they endured, as one flesh.

Sitting on the hillside, just above the clothesline that day, mom's hands were still fairly youthful. They weren't yet misshapen from arthritis, not too many age or sun spots. They were still strong.

In their fragility and age-worn adornment, mom and dad's hands look a lot different now. If you look closely, those hands hold a beautiful message - one of grace, endearing commitment and love.

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

COME TO ME

Come to me. Bring your weariness, your broken heart, your doubt that has fogged your thinking and come to me. I do not sleep, nor slumber. I watch over you endlessly. Nothing can touch you unless it first comes through my hands. I know you fear that I no longer see you - but, I know every detail about every thing that surrounds you. Though you can only see the pain of right now, I see the end of this difficult journey. I have not forgotten you. I am not angry with you nor am I trying to punish you. I have never known anything but immeasurable love for you. I allow some hard things in your life so that you will call on me - come to me. Stop striving on your own and come to me, my beloved child for I am your God, your Protector.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty, I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. Psalm 91:1-2

What or Whom are you Worshiping?

We all have something that steals our time and affections. We were created to worship something - the question is: What or whom are you worshiping?

Idols have been defined as anything or anyone that captures your heart, mind and affections more than God. Don't think you have idols...try the following questions on for size:

What or who...
do you worry the most about?
do you think about most often?
are you willing to sacrifice for?
are you willing to spend the most time on/with?
do you spend the most money on - (following your money trail can be very revealing!)?
do you build your schedule around?
do you talk about the most?
are you willing to protect - even if you have to sin?
do you fear not having in your life?
do you protect - at all costs - becoming very defensive if it is threatened or if someone brings it up?
Are you willing to sin if you think you are going to lose it?
Do you run to it for a refuge?

Often we think about idols as being addictions, bad or evil desires when in fact, our desires can be good things - the well-being of our children, a Godly marriage, a peaceful home, good health...these are all good things to desire. However, when we turn that desire to a demand, need, expectation and disappointment if we don't get our desire most often someone is going to be punished because we have a tendency to use people to get our desires met.

How many times have you seen a parent berate a child because they didn't live up to the parent's expectations on the playing field, in the class room, on the basketball court? How many wives have you overheard slamming her husband as she tells of what a loser he is? How many families are in debt because they have spent more than they should in pursuit of an image or an image for their children? How many people leave relationships because they don't feel the "thrill" any more? How much has our health been affected by our lust to consume instant pleasures of all kinds from food, drugs, alcohol and sex. How many marriages have been threatened because of pornography, control, and chaos?

Obsessing about our idols doesn't distant them from our hearts but we must be willing to examine our lives and ask hard questions like above. We must be willing to act and change and most important, be willing for God to make a heart change within us. No matter where you find yourself today - no matter what bondage or how far you think you have fallen, or how deeply you feel you've been wronged - your hope is found at the foot of the cross. Redemption, beloved, is most glorious and God is willing to offer you mercy, grace and redeem your life from the pit, from the idols that have held your heart in bondage way too long.

You were meant to worship - what or whom do you choose to worship?

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. Jonah 2:8

Does God Really Care About My Marriage

Man did not come up with the concept of marriage - God did.

In the garden, after God created Adam, God tells us in His Word that is was not good for man to be alone. What was missing was a helper suitable for Adam. That helper would be woman, Eve. Man and woman were meant to compliment one another in all respects of life. They were two people - with two very distinct personalities, likes, dislikes, hopes and fears - yet they were meant to become ONE FLESH.

Marriage is the most intimate relationship - it is meant to be that way. Yet so often we live as if we have very separate lives. Often we are simply roommates. There is nothing more sad than living with a spouse and yet feeling lonely and unloved.

God wants to use your marriage to teach you about the intimacy He longs to have with you.

Even if your husband isn't willing to work on your marriage or is clueless as to how desperately lonely you feel day after day - God wants to do a work in YOUR heart.

I can speak from experience in allowing God to heal and restore a messy and unhealthy marriage. I came to a place where I realized that what I had been doing - ranting, crying, pleading, displaying anger and silence...didn't work. All it did was make matters worse, cause more walls between us. The crossroads came when I decided that I was either going to trust God or I wasn't! I was either going to continue to be filled with utter despair that filtered through every area of my life or I was going to place my hope in God. What did I have to lose? The worse thing that could have happened would have been to find out that God doesn't care and that He too, would fail me.

But God didn't fail me and I discovered just how much He cares!

If God created the concept of marriage - if it is meant to glorify Him and His Name - won't He surely be faithful to heal your marriage?

What have you been doing so far....maybe displaying a lot of the anger and emotions that I did - how's that been working for you? Do you find that you continue to cycle back to the same patterns of behavior and have the same arguments over and over? If there is no heart change - the change you see will be short-lived because you will be doing it on your own strength. Eventually, you'll fall back into that same nasty cycle. Unless there is a heart change!

God is the mender and changer of hearts. He is the creator and restorer of marriages

EVEN YOUR MARRIAGE!

Give Him a chance - what have you got to lose?

For I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Ezekiel 36:26:27

Beyond Our Fences

No matter where you find yourself today - how difficult or impossible your situation may be - God is aware, He wasn't caught off guard and He sees the ending and the outcome.

You can trust Him with your heavy heart. You can surrender your burden to Him.

You are the sheep of His pasture and if you are a sheep you are only seeing your pasture - you are only seeing inside the boundaries of the fences surrounding you. You cannot see what is beyond ...but God can.

Not only can He see all that surrounds you, He will not allow anything to come through those boundaries unless He knows it is good for you.

That doesn't mean there won't be trials, pain and affliction, but God is not going to allow anything that will ultimately destroy you. He will not leave you ...He knows you are helpless and vulnerable against the storms of life.

Dear beloved child of the King...God is your hope. Trust Him. He will work this circumstance out that has had you in such turmoil and worry. He sees beyond your fences.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Got Love?

Ever had a friend willing to be shamed for you?
Ever known someone who was willing to be stripped naked and mocked for your sake?
How about taking your punishment, taking the blame FOR EVERY THING YOU'VE EVER DONE....

every mean word, every selfish deed, every impure motive, every prideful action, every lustful struggle, every addiction, every hateful thought, every cruel name you've ever called someone, every bit of impatient reaction...EVERYTHING?

Ever had someone LOVE you so much they would go to the absolute worst place imaginable to save you?

Ever had someone who never, ever let you down or disappoint you?

Ever known a pure and untainted love which made it impossible for you to be anything but cleansed from it?

Ever known love - not a romantic, tingly, only last for-awhile-type love, but SACRIFICIAL LOVE?

Ever known love that could not be measured, could not be erased, could not change?

Ever known how MUCH you are loved by God who gave his ONLY SON for you - so that YOU MIGHT LIVE!

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. I John 3:16

SACRIFICIAL LOVE? S

Potential Book Cover - looking for feed back

Please let me know your thoughts on this particular book cover that Moody Publishing sent me today.

We need feed back to see if this is it, or if it needs to be changed.

Thanks for taking the time - it is much appreciated!

A Famished Imagination

The lives we lead often lead little to the imagination. We are bombarded with how we should think, how we should dress, what our homes should look like, what is the new and current trend, what is not...it comes from all directions - so much is created for us and put before us that we sometimes find our minds are tired. Our imaginations become famished and starved.

We are too busy doing, planning, running, chasing what someone else tells us to chase. Our idols consume our thoughts. Our insatiable appetite to please and feed self absorbs the freedom to sit before God and ask, "What have YOU, for me?" Rather, we are often asking, "God can YOU do this for ME?" We have a plan and often it is one that the world has spoken to us, one that is consuming more of self. We often have little time to stop, to listen, to gaze upon the glory that is all around us.

Our minds cannot comprehend what plans God has for us. Our minds often don't sit still long enough to even consider that God has something greater, more noble, for us!

Personally, I love to create...always, something is rummaging around in my mind most often it takes the form of re-purposing an old piece of furniture, decorating a room, plucking my guitar, creating something new on the sewing machine or in the kitchen. (I would have no trouble blogging about my adventures in what I call comfy-cheap decorating). That is all well and good, but it is a form of busyness and can often lead to complete consumption.

It is when I take my imagination and turn it toward God - what HE intends for my life, what HE wants me to dream of, to set my mind upon...that is when even my roaming imagination is satisfied.

Creativity is a glorious gift from God and oh how it can be used to speak and tell of HIS glory!

Your mind cannot fathom the beautiful ways God wants to bless you: peace, joy, patience, kindness, mercy, grace, opportunities to share in kingdom building relationships, opportunities to see his hand move, opportunities to use your gifts and talents and YOUR IMAGINATION for the glorious things HE has planned for your life.

Dare you take your imagination to God?

One of Those Weeks

This week I haven't had much umph in me. I've come off a flu-type yucky cold from the weekend and I've had lots of writing deadlines to muddle through. In general, I just haven't been up to par. Some days are like that...you just aren't quite yourself.

A dear friend just had major knee surgery, another is dealing with her son's drug addiction, still another is thinking of her son she just sent to boot camp, so many situations and emotions can leave us preoccupied...we just aren't our usual self. If you are in a season of rest or restlessness, God is the constant in your ever-changing world.

No matter where you find yourself today - facing giants, or being one, God has not changed!

I find great peace in knowing that God is constant. No matter the state of my health, bank account, circumstance or emotions - God is never caught off guard, never sleeps nor slumbers, never worries or frets and never hurries. God has and will forever reign on His throne!

So on those weeks when I don't accomplish what I hope and when I feel like I've wasted time or at best just got through the week - I can rest knowing that all is well in the world - God is in control. Because I've been out of commission doesn't mean the world around me stops turning. In contrast, it helps me realize just how much control I DON'T HAVE!

If you are having one of those "off" weeks like I am, be assured... the world will not stop turning!

So...rest in His care, His peace, His protection, His provision and allow yourself to breathe cause sometimes you don't have much choice in your circumstance so why not let God handle the world today...cause its Him who really holds it all together anyway.