I See You There

I see you there, my sweet, little pink bundle of joy..all rosy, with chubby little thighs and that newborn scent. I see you as you successfully wrap your daddy's heart around your little finger. I see you there all squashed-up in your big brother Jordan's arms...him smooching your precious cheek, wanting you to go play even though you can't even crawl. I see you there, in my arms, a little girl, my daughter. What fun I'll have dressing you up. How blessed I feel as I look into your precious face.

I see you there all dressed up coming to see your new born sister, you were just a baby, yourself, but you loved her and wanted to hold her all of the time. I see you as try to get her off my lap, clamoring for my attention. I see you as you suddenly look so much bigger and older compared to your baby sister. Your blue little blankie rarely leaves your side and if we do happen to misplace it...we turn the house upside down looking for it, especially at nap time. I feel you next to me as we snuggle together on the couch reading your favorite book over and over again.

I see you there with your long, golden curls and your bright blue eyes, standing on the front step, a Little Mermaid backpack on your shoulders. Your first day of kindergarten. You are so ready to go to school. You so much want to learn and be like your older brother. How will my little girl get along those few hours without me?

 I see you there, playing dress-up with your little sister, Jena, bossing her around, always making her be the bridesmaid while you are always the bride. I hear you as you play, your little girl voice trailing off to pretend-land as you constantly dream up something with your siblings. I see you there, as the dolls come out less, the tea-parties stop and you spend more time with your art, music and your friends. I pack away the "little girl" toys, your clothes consist of things you pick out...you care about what you look like now.

 I see you there, my daughter, behind the wheel of a car and I am the most terrified that I've ever been as a mother. I cannot stand the thought of you on the roads, being that independent. Sixteen. Shouldn't you still be in a car seat? Utterances of relief and gratitude leave my lips every time you safely pull the car back into the driveway.

I see you there, and you are stunning. Your black and white prom dress fits you so perfect. You are graceful and elegant...no more pretend dress-up, this is for real. I see you as you drive away with your date and friends. I see you, after you come home, sitting on the edge of my bed, chattering away about your glamorous night.

 I burst with pride as you receive your high school diploma from your father. Educated at home since you were in fourth grade allowed such wonderful moments with you. And there were those not-so-pleasant moments. We butted-heads more than once and there were days, I thought you were going to put me in an early grave...but, we made it and here you are, delivering your senior speech. I'm touched by your words.

I am overcome as I see you there at the piano, playing, singing, worshiping your heart out. Oh, how gifted the Lord made you with creativity and that voice! You have blessed so many with your ability to play the piano and bring glory to his name with your singing. So often, I find myself worshiping right along with you...sometimes sitting next to you, sometimes, in the next room on my knees.

I watch you board that plane. Eighteen is so young to leave home on your own. I pray as I  hand my baby over to missionary work for a few months in another country. Your beloved, Mexico awaits you.

I move you in and out of college dorms and each time, and wonder how in the world you manage to keep your room so tidy when at home you can't seem to even make your bed. It is strange to have you gone, your room is quiet, too quiet. I knew this day would come, you are meant to leave, to find your own way. You are meant to fulfill what God had in mind for you...still, it seems like you should be playing on the floor, American Girl doll clothes spread out all over the place, pretending with your sister.

I see you there, standing with this guy you've met. He can't hardly breathe for fear of making a wrong move in front of us. We are glad he's so cautious. I see you there, as we hide behind a concrete wall, along the downtown canal on the moon-filled night. A guitar is playing, someone is singing your favorite song...and Brandon's knee hits the ground, a ring comes out and a life-changing question is asked. I realize that the piano will no longer sing to me, daily. I will miss your music filling our home. I will miss your voice. We pack up your room. Your things are getting put away in your new home - you are preparing to leave for good. One last night before your wedding. One last time I tuck you in. One last time your daddy kisses his little girl good night before he hands her over to someone else.

I see you there, my precious little girl all dressed up as a bride...only this time, you are the bride for real and Jena is beside you...you girls have practiced this moment for years. I watch as your daddy walks into to see his daughter - all ready for the ceremony. Tears melt down his face. I see you, walking down the aisle on his arm, beaming, eyes on your groom. I see you as you speak a vow to a man you have committed your heart to and my heart is overflowing.

I see as you and your husband get into that car on the cold December night, I'm saying good-bye to my little girl as she leaves for her honey-moon. How quickly times has passed. Wasn't it just yesterday that I thought would never get a full night's sleep because of midnight feedings? Didn't you just bring me a bunch of dandelions to the front door? Wasn't it just a moment ago when I watched you take your first step?

I see you there, my blooming daughter as you anticipate life! You rub your belly and talk to little Ezra, you are over the moon with excitement and think you'll burst if you don't get to hold him in your arms soon.
I see you there, my precious gift from God...about ready to receive the most precious gift yourself!

I'll see you there, my Kristen, as you hold your son for the first time, experiencing a love that you never dreamed you could possess. I'll see you there, I cannot imagine the emotions that will well up inside of me as I watch my daughter cradle her baby, as you and your beloved, become a family of three.

I see you there, and I am so thankful that God allowed me to be your momma!