Marriage is divinely designed by God. Its origin is traced back to Genesis, chapter two. It wasn’t Adam who came up with the idea, it was a loving God. God had the perfect help-mate in mind for Adam and he designed Eve accordingly. Marriage was meant to glorify God. It was meant to be a picture that portrayed the relationship between the servant Christ, and his submissive bride, the church. But sin entered into the picture and to this day, every problem in marriage can be traced back to Genesis, chapter three. Man and his wife continue to struggle with what the flesh desires, what the eye desires and with the pride of life. Therefore, in our marriages, we don’t often look much like Christ and his bride, or live as if we are truly one with our spouse, or even have the desire to do so.
As I am to be one with my husband, Christ is one with God and the church is one with God. Tear one from the other and you have a severing of spirit. After a very heated argument, my husband got in his truck and pulled out of the driveway and as he did, I felt as if I was plunging into a black hole. I literally felt a severing of my heart. It is impossible to tear two beings that have been knitted together, without tearing parts of each other. It is messy and painful.
On the cross, as he bore our sins, Christ was separated, for a time, from his father. It was only temporary, but it caused the Lord to cry out “Why have you forsaken me?” It was the most brutal moment in history. Christ, who knew no sin, obediently allowed his flesh to be torn, his body ravaged and his spirit severed when he willingly paid the price for our sin. His father, our holy God, couldn’t look upon his son, for that moment, they were separated in spirit. It was messy beyond our imagination and it was painful beyond our comprehension.
It was also the most glorious time in history as we could now enter into the Holy presence of God and have a beautiful, intimate relationship with our Creator. Those who would believe in him would come to be known as the church and that church, collectively, will one day be a bride presented to her groom. A glorious feast as the body of believers is presented to Christ, will take place and Christ is anticipating that time with his bride. We too, should look with anticipation for that glorious day. But, even now, we have the gift of a loving relationship with Christ –our Redeemer.
Marriage was meant to glorify God, but often, it portrays so many other things: fear, control, pride, anger, resentment, etc. It is impossible to glorify God in your marriage when your marriage is reflecting negative and selfish words and actions. When couples decide to walk away from their vow, when their relationship is gripped with fear, manipulation, bitterness and an attitude of seeking happiness rather than holiness, what is left is messy and painful, it can be an excruciating heap of sorrow, like the black hole I experienced as my own marriage crumbled.
A struggling marriage should cause us great anguish. If not, perhaps we don’t fully understand the commitment we have made before God. It’s so much easier to separate, divorce, or give up, but the impact from doing so and the consequences will linger. We often miss such a tremendous blessing from God and an opportunity to be a testimony, regardless of the outcome, when there is an attempt to severe the union between man and wife – a union that wasn’t meant to be severed. Even in the midst of a marriage that appears completely hopeless, when vile sin abounds, or even, when one spouse has not been faithful – God’s desire is that the two remain one. Though marriage can be sadly viewed as two individuals living two individual lives – each doing their own thing, God sees it differently. He spends a great deal of his words to us in scripture paralleling the image of marriage and the image of Christ and his bride.
I understand the above truth, now, but it took years of purging fire to refine me. For years, I could find no beauty within the excruciating pain and disappointment I felt from my husband’s struggle with addictions. After a few, short years of marriage, I had both a messy and painful relationship with my husband. The sorrow that pursued my family was relentless and staggering. As I found our family surrounded by chaos, I questioned, where in the world could my beloved and I ever find a savior willing to swipe up the mess that we had made? How in the world could all the horrid stains of anger, hurt, bitterness and sin ever be erased?
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