Do You See Me, God?

I know that you are a God who cannot be measured nor fully understood. I watch in awe as the sun sets and as the stars you cast emerge from the darkened sky. I hear the thunder as it shakes the ground. I see the magnificent evidence of your power all around me. I know that you gave me the most perfect, most beautiful gift by tearing your own flesh for my sake. I know that you are beginning and end and I inherit your kingdom because of your grace.

I know you knew of me before the foundations of the earth. I know that you delight in hearing my voice, my outstretched arms reaching, searching for you. I know that you are my Creator, and it is only because you allow it, that my lungs take in life-breath and my heart pumps my life blood.

But, God, do you see me? Do you care that I feel forgotten, shelved even by man? I know you love me, but do you care about me, today? As days melt into weeks, do you watch as I grow even more unsure of your love; anyone’s love? Do you see, as I put up walls and shut down thoughts, avoiding relationships, afraid they will only lead to more disappointment? Though I’ve chosen to shut them out of my mind, can you still see my dreams – the ones I once dared to dream?

Can you still see those things that in my heart have gone for so long, unmet? Do I dare to believe again; risking that dreadful door of disappointment being swung wide open? Do I bolt and lock the door, pretend it was never there, avoid it all costs for fear of what might never be on the other side – the fulfillment of those dreams, those desires?

Where has my passion gone? Where life was once over-flowing, is now a parched and barren wasteland. The thirst-quenching tributaries to my soul appear to have dried up. How is it that I feel so far from the purpose for which I was created? Where have I gone, where have I wandered to? Do you see me, Lord? Do you see me as I struggle? Do you see me as I am afraid to imagine, afraid to think? Do you see my faint heart?

I know that you are the Author of Life, but do you see me, Lord?

Sometimes, we find that we doubt, that our heart grows weary and we question if God loves us, or even sees us.

Indeed, he does! Though our faith may weaken...his love does not...

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! Isaiah 49:15

God will never forsake you nor leave you beloved. His love for you is everlasting. Press into him, lean closer to him. Indeed he sees your sorrow, your pain, your suffering, your fears...his eyes never, ever leave you.

The unfading beauty...

...The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight I Peter 3:4

My beauty is certainly fading. I've found wrinkles and sagging in places I didn't know could wrinkle and sag. I used to be concerned about aging and looking older...then I realized that no one cared and that no one was really looking anyway. I also realized that it is true - the most beautiful people are those whose beauty radiates from the inside out.

Though my body is feeling the certain laws of gravity I have more content and more peace in my heart than at any other time in my life. It isn't from lack of trials, struggles or concerns, but rather, from a confidence that God is in control. I've never had the control I thought that I did. None of us do.

I long to desire what God values. If a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in God's sight, then I want to be about that. But what does it look like, in my life, to have a gentle and quiet spirit? It certainly doesn't mean allowing others to walk on me, to never speak, to never have an opinion, or to never use the brain and gifts that God gave me. I believe that it does mean that I should look to God, who really is in control. It does mean that I should HONOR and RESPECT my husband and my children (not only when they "deserve" it). It does mean that I should put others before myself. It does mean that I should spend more time listening than talking. It does mean that I should desire the heart of God - who is a God of compassion. It does mean that I no longer fear that I won't be heard or seen or understood - but rather, I am content, believing that God, indeed, sees me and has my best interest in mind - ALWAYS!

Oh, that God would give me a gentle and quiet spirit - that is his desire, if only I would ask that of him.

What does it look like today, for you, to have a gentle and quiet spirit - one that is of great worth in God's eyes?

Anther wedding; another daughter leaving the nest

In just five weeks, our youngest daughter, Jena will be married. In three weeks, she moves into the apartment that she will eventually share with her new husband. She's our third to be married. She's a hard-working and successful young woman who desires to have the Lord in the center of her marriage. She's twenty years old and certainly growing up...still, I can still see her..

as you stand there, my little Jena Michelle, all sweet with your light brown curls swirled around your precious baby face, your happy disposition such a delight to our family. I see you there as you toddle behind your older brother and sister - willing to try anything they do. I see your dimpled baby hands and your little dimple on your cheek when you grin.

I see you there, sweet daughter as you dance to the theme song of Beauty and the Beast, dressed up in a wedding gown, pretending to dance with your prince. I see you twirling and spinning, enjoying the royal, pretend ball that is being held in the living room with your sister, twirling and dancing right along with you.

I see you there, beloved daughter of the King as you grow, learn, fall in love and have your heart broken. I see you there as you pass through one high school class after another attempting to get through high school as quickly as you can. I see you there getting your license and to my horror, driving off for the first time on your own. I see you there as you tell me and your dad about a wonderful guy you met at church and how he is a pilot and a soldier and how kind he is.

I see you there working hard through college and getting your dream job. I see you there standing before the mirror trying on yet another wedding gown - shouldn't you be in the living room dancing and twirling with your sister? Shouldn't you still have a kool-aid stained smile? Shouldn't you still be riding your bike around the yard?

I will see you there, my delightful, beautiful daughter, standing before your groom. I will see you as you take your dad's arm for the last time that he will be the authority over you. I will see you as you pledge your heart to your husband, taking a vow to love and honor. I will see you as you, for the first time will be announced as a "Mrs." I will see you, my beloved child as you drive away with your husband and begin life with him.

I will always be able to see you, my Jena Michelle, as a most precious gift. How blessed I have been to have been entrusted with you for almost twenty-one years. I pray that I can always "see" you happily and innocently twirling and dancing.

I see you there, daughter and my heart sings with delight.

The Point of it All

Our children – adopted or biological, are not our own. They are entrusted to us, by God, that we might steer them towards a relationship with Christ. Though we call them "sons and daughters," in reality they belong to their Creator God.

For awhile, God allows us to take them as our own. He allows us to hold them, comfort them and care for them. He allows us to wipe away their tears, sing them to sleep, laugh with them and help them learn from life's hard lessons and choices. We are commanded in His Word to teach them, discipline them and love them. And though we "rescue" and "restore" the orphan – the greatest gift we can ever give them is Christ.

Yes. We are called to adopt. Yes. We are called to care for the orphans and the widows. Yes. We are called to speak up for the oppressed. But our greatest goal, the bottom line of it all is the eternal perspective. We are to lead our children to Christ.

No matter if God has chosen to bless you with biological children or children by his supernatural way of adoption – forefront in our minds should always be the child's salvation. On those days, when you are exhausted and you wonder if its worth all the stress and trouble, when your child seems to relentlessly disobey or struggle – remember…the goal isn't happiness, but rather, holiness.

One year ago, our son ran towards us as we pulled up to his orphanage. We had come to begin the process of adoption. We had come to redeem him. We had come to rescue him. He was afraid, alone, hungry and dirty. This past week, on Good Friday, a year ago from that same day when our son ran towards us yelling, "Momma, Poppa" he ran towards His Creator. His God. Our son, asked Jesus into his heart. He had been lonely, hungry for righteousness and dirty with sin. After he prayed, when asked who God was to him, he replied, "He's my Dad!"

In-between those days – one year apart, I had cried many tears of frustration and desperation. Our son's pain and his behavior at times, were so intense, that I could lose sight of the point of it all. Yes. We had been entrusted with a special little boy. Yes, we would glean much joy from raising him. Yes, t times, it will be extremely difficult. But it isn't only about our happiness – it is about holiness. It is about pointing our son to Christ. It's about running to our Savior, shouting, "Abba, Daddy!" It's about leaving behind what we knew – the sorrow of the world – the pain of being an orphan and entering into an inheritance with our God and King.

No longer lonely, no longer hungry, no longer filthy with sin…our son is redeemed. He is restored. His sins are no more – they have been paid for by the blood of the Lamb. God met him running from the orphanage that is the world and welcomed him into his family of adopted sons and daughters.

That is the point of rescuing and restoring the orphan – that Christ might rescue and restore!

Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So that you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir. Galations 4:6-7

Joy