FEAR

Obedience/Fear

The majority of time in my early years of marriage, I reacted rather than responding, My behavior, often cold and accusatory was rooted in fear.  As I began to align my life with God’s, I recognized how much fear had controlled my actions.  As I was nagging my husband about how he needed to change and lead his family, I was fearful that my circumstance might not ever change. 

A fearful heart has great difficulty being an obedient heart.  God’s word speaks to His children to remain in obedience. In I Peter 3:6 he specifically instructs women to be like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and to not give way to fear.

I had a big issue with fear and I think we women, generally do.  We don’t always recognize or admit it, and it may come masked in words such as “I feel trapped”,  “I don’t feel like things will ever change”, or “I’ll never see that desire fulfilled," or, "I'll never be happy."  When we fear what we cannot control, we attempt to control what we think that we can. I spent a lot of time trying to control my husband and my environment.  Because I couldn't change my husband or his actions, I was going to do all that I could in an attempt to keep anything else from hurting me, or causing more chaos.

 

When I slammed the cabinet doors, huffed and puffed around the house, I made it known that I was disappointed, that I was frustrated.  If he’d ask me what was wrong, I’d give him a very cold, “Nothing!”  I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having something tangible to respond to, mostly because I didn’t really want to tell him that I was afraid, I was worn-down, I was bitter.  It was much easier keeping the accusatory finger pointed at him.  I had been crippled by fear; paralyzed and ineffective and that is just what the enemy wanted from me.It sounded so much better for me to say that my “desire” was for my husband to treat us with warmth, stop drinking, and start leading instead of realizing that I “demanded” those things of him.  When I didn’t get my way, I resorted to reacting, being cold towards him and controlling him.  My desire moved along seamlessly to sinfully demanding….also just what the enemy would want.

In Scripture, we read that Sarah (wife of Abraham) had longing and desires just as we do. Sarah’s empty arms and heart ached for a child.  All those years as she hoped and waited for a child only to hope and wait again. Eventually, her time for child bearing came to an end.  I am sure there were times she believed God had forgotten her. yet, In the New Testament - long after her story in the Old Testament,  we find her name as a direct example to obedience. We women can identify with her. Her want became a desire and then it spun into a full-fledged must-have and that’s when she took action. She gave her maidservant (Hagar) to her husband so that he might sleep with her in hopes that Hagar would conceive the child that Sarah couldn't.  When her (Sarah's) plan (not God's plan), worked, we see that she again, is miserable and mistreats Hagar. How many times have we manipulated a situation only to be discontented when it ends in a disaster?  If we would only learn to wait upon the Lord and his best for us!  If only we would trust God to speak to our husbands.  If only we would trust God even if our husbands aren't saved.

When Sarah overhears the Lord tell her husband, Abraham, that she would indeed have a baby she seems to find it unbelievable and laughs aloud at the thought of delivering at her age!  Once again, Sarah gives way to fear and even lies about laughing!   How many times have we been too prideful to admit our failing doubt?  How glorious it would be within the body of Christ, if we were real with one another regarding our struggles.  I believe there would be a multitude of struggling believers that would come out of hiding if we weren’t so concerned with appearances.

All the misgivings of Sarah, yet, we are told in I Peter that we are her (Sarah’s) daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear!  So, there must be hope for us!  Sarah’s husband, Abraham, twice asked her to lie, telling those he feared that she was his sister, not wife. That would be a difficult thing to do, yet she was obedient, and God protected her.

Sarah had a schedule, her body had a deadline, but God had a plan! We women are great at being time managers, so much so, that when things are not running according to our fine-tuned schedule, we have a tendency to become frustrated and moody.  This includes the heavenly scheduled-out events of life that are directed by our Father’s hand.  God’s timing is not our own.  God’s view is not our own.  If only we would allow God to be our manager and concern ourselves with being more “manageable, “how much more effective would we be for the Kingdom of God?  So what if the kitchen floor doesn’t get swept for awhile.  So what if our husband doesn’t do exactly what we say and when and how.  It doesn’t mean he isn’t going to act on our request; we are often just too impatient to wait.  

We fear that God will not allow us to do what it is we want to do and when we want to do it.  We fear that life is passing by and the opportunities we long for will be missed.  This shows that we haven’t yielded to God.  We keep our trust at a distance.  We remain unconvinced regarding God’s best for us and God’s timing for all areas of our lives, especially those areas that mean the most to us.  If only we understood how God desires us to rest, trust and wait upon him.

When Sarah’s arms are finally filled after the birth of Isaac she rejoices with these words, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears this will laugh with me”.  This time, Sarah is laughing out of pure joy, and peace.  There is no fear in this laugh. She also replies that she bore Abraham a child in his old age. We know that she is joyous beyond compare to finally hold a baby in her arms yet, she speaks of the delight she has brought to her man. We can identify with the earlier dealings of Sarah, but how beautiful if we can identify with her new character.  A heart that is empty of fear and full of trust and hope.

When our heart is aligned or has the desire to be in alignment with God’s we can understand what the writer meant when he wrote about the eagle soaring on great heights.  We don’t know the heights unless we have seen the depth of the pit!   We, like Sarah do not have to give way to fear, but can learn to yield to God with total peace even in the midst of broken dreams.  God is not only the author of dreams and good desires, but is the facilitator that causes them to come to fruition and we should never give up on seeing them become reality.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husband’s so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.  I Peter 3:1-6