You probably never imagined that you would find yourself in this situation: a husband committing adultery, or struggling with addictions, or who has walked out, or simply failed to be the husband you had hoped for - this isn't what you had in mind when you married him. But here you are, now, what are you going to do? You have choices to make that could have negative, long-lasting consequences if you chose unwisely. You have decisions to make that seem impossible and confusing as you sort through the fog. And what about your children, who are now looking to you to be provider, protector, nurturer, as well as a consistent and loving mother? It is an overwhelming and daunting thought to have to take on so much responsibility while dealing with such stinging emotional wounds.
It is a tremendous load, but it is not impossible. It would be easier to cave-in, to give up, to rant and rave, or attempt to numb your sorrow with alchohol, drugs, an affair, or plung youself into a comfortable pit of self pity. Doing what is right takes effort. Committing to a stable environment for your children takes effort, but the wonderful news is that you do not have to do it alone. There is a helper that longs to walk-along-side you and your family; a mighty counselor who desires to give you wisdom. In the midst of adversity, doing the right thing will have eternal rewards. While you can’t even imagine thinking it now, doing the right thing; learning to trust that God is sufficient, can at some point, cause you to say “The pain and sorrow was worth the outcome.”
So what is doing the right thing? It might be easier to say what isn't doing the right thing.
- First of all, if you are a child of God, you are operating on grace. God isn't waiting for you to make a mistake so that he can pounce and punish. So you don't have to be paranoid, constantly wondering if you are making a decision that God isn't going to approve. There isn't anything that you can do that will impress God anyway, so that leaves you off the hook in a sense that it isn't about the work that you do, its about his grace. The Lord will be faithful to guide you in your decision making.
- Secondly, staying in a place of self-pity is a dangerous and deep pit. Your pain is real. Don't pretend it isn't there, but don't remain in a place of woe either. Take every sorrow to the Lord; asking him to help you deal with the real aches of life.
- Although there may be some very real offenses that your husband has done against you, be honest with yourself that you too, have sinned against him. It might just be with an attitude, disrespect, or words that tore him down. Don't think for a moment that you have nothing to confess in this situation. Ask the Lord to show you any ways you have offended your husband and ask forgiveness.
- Don't give up. The world would tell you to divorce that loser and move on. You might have so-called friends who tell you that you deserve better. Don't listen to them. Remember, God desires your family to be restored. Do all that you can on your part and trust the Lord to deal with your husband. No on can promise you that your marriage will be healed in the end, but, God promises to never leave, nor forsake you. Your desire should be pursing God, not winning your husband back. A restored marriage would be a wonderful byproduct of your passionate pursuit of Christ, not the main focus of your pursuit.
Assessing the situation - Considering all of this joy?
Wherever ever you find yourself at this moment, no matter what pathetic state you are in, that is exactly where God wants to meet you. The situation you have found yourself in at this moment, has not caught him off guard. He is neither shaken, nor feeling anxiety or hint of panic. As a matter-of-fact, he hasn’t changed from yesterday, the day before, the year before, or ten thousand years before. He is the one thing that is steady, unchanging and constant. So the first place to look for any stability in your life is God. Conviently, he already knows everything about your circumstance as well as everything about you. He knows what makes you smile, what makes you frustrated, your sleep patterns, how many hairs are on your head, how many cells are dying in your body right now, your dreams, desires, hopes and yes, he knows your sins.
Being that God is omniscient; he knows all, so of course he knows those thoughts, actions and attitudes you have had that cause a separation from him. Because God is holy and no sin can be in his prescence your sin causes a great chasm that separates you from him. Even though he knows everything about you and knows your circumstance – you cannot fully experience him unless the sin has been cleared from you. How could one ever clear their life totally from sin?They can’t, it is impossible and God, being God knew that. That is why he made a way to come to him and that was through his son, Jesus Christ. A price had to be paid for the sins of mankind, but not just any price, the ultimate price. A ransom had to be paid to set us free. We are in bondage to sin, but Christ redeemed us with his payment of sin. If we understand and confess that fact that we are a sinner and call on the name of Christ, believing that he did, indeed, die for our sins, then we can be saved, by faith and thereby, have an intimate relationship with God.
Imagine continuing on in your situation as you have known. Is it working for you? Or, are you attempting to fill yourself with temporary fixes that keep you mind off the hurt? Do you find yourself attempting to justify actions that were harmful to another, perhaps to your husband? Do you find yourself wondering why you are even on this earth in the first place? Do you ever contemplate on the thought of taking your own life, or how much better the world would be if you weren’t even here – afterall, what could you matter to anyone, especially in the wretched state your life is in now? Life without a relationship with God, through his son, Jesus Christ, is filled with darkness, hopelessness and despair. To be absent from God is absent from life, from light, from contentment, from peace, To be absent from God is death. However, to have a relationship with God, the father, through the redemptive gift of Jesus Christ on the cross is to have life and have it abundantly!
In John, chapter 16, verse 32, Jesus tells his disciples this: "In this world you will have trouble. but take heart! I have overcome the world."
You will have trials in this world, but, if you have a relationship with Christ; the Redeemer of your sins - it is possible that your heart, no matter how shattered, can be filled with peace and even joy - in Christ.
Confess your sins to God, let him hear from your lips that you believe that his son, Jesus Christ, died for your sins, rose again on the third day and now sits next to the throne of God - Christ Jesus is alive and he is the bridge to a relationship with a holy God.
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